What's life like after serving as president of OCF? FREEDOM! No more early saturday mornings, no more having to tolerate judgement and gossip from people outside the committee. No more sleeping 5 hours every night for 3 months. No more having to put up a front of being in control when my whole world was crashing to the ground. Life was fantastic as a leader. I remember this one week last semester when my cousin got hepatitis A. Then I became very sick. My appetite was replaced with vomiting and nausea. I had an assignment due the next day. On friday, the numbers in OCF suddenly dropped. I prayed and cried out to God, "Why?" And then I had a financial disagreement with a certain someone, and was threatened to court. Life was an action movie, the only thing was that I lost the remote.
But God has been faithful. Through the blur of misfortune and circumstance, He brought newcomers who were eager to serve in OCF. Prayers were answered as those earnestly seeking eventually accepted Him as their Lord and Saviour. There were young members who grew and stepped up to serve. OCF bonded well and got to know each other better. I'm amazed at how God uses our sicknesses, late nights, tiredness, prayer meetings and assignments to accomplish His purposes. We can be amazingly talented, organized or intelligent but sometimes God allows us to fail in order to demonstrate Who's in control. In losing the remote, I found the Owner.
I need to stop believing in myself. That I can do things better. That there will come a time when I will be control. That I will be able to solve my problems. I need to believe in the One who knew me even before I was born. I want to know His plans to give me a bright future. How do I live under His Control? It's hard to let go. But I know that to not let go is to set myself up for the same failures, inadequacies and disappointments that unfold when I lean on my own understanding. Do I trust Him? I have my whole life to work out what it means to say "Yes".